you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I would ride that face into the sunset
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
