glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
