I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What a dumb baby whore.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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