Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
