HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
