Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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