Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
