She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
