can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
