Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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