butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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