I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
