I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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