I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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