Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
