The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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