3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
