his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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