you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
