Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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