I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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