I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
