brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
