Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
