Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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