New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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