I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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