Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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