I CAN MOONWALK!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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