Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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