my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
