No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
