I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
