Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
