you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
