We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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