I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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