dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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