At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
