cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
