so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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