Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
