she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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