Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
