wrigley field is MILF paradise
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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