Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
