That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
