So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
