Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
