what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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