we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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