just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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