I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
