I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I looked at my own cervix.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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