I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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