Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Come on in and take your pants off
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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