She said her name was "party"
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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