I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
